• Embrace the Bad,  Getting Personal,  Houston Family,  My Family Tree,  Quotes/Inspiration

    When a Horse Bucks You Off…

    When I was young I was sort of obsessed with horses. That’s probably not too unusual for young girls.

    I imagined that if I could only be around a horse we’d have some kind of cosmic connection. Me, the horse whisper ingénue, leading a horse with a long flowing mane around a field covered in grass well past my knees.

    Not me.

    When I was eight years old I finally got the opportunity to fulfill my dream and ride a horse.  At a family reunion, someone brought horses to ride; several steady adult horses and one spunky colt. I somewhat timidly asked if I could ride the beautiful young colt.  Knowing nothing about horses, I didn’t fully grasp what it meant that the colt was not yet saddle broken. I thought it’s diminutive size meant it would be easier to manage.

    This could work with my fantasy vision, I thought.

    I was told the colt would follow the other horses up the small hill, around the field, and back down again. Easy enough. Except it wasn’t. That darn colt followed the other horses into the field but not out again.

    Kick it in the flanks, they said. Hit it with this stick, they said. No, like this they said.

    Colt bucked. I fell off, acquiring my first and only broken arm.

    At 16 years old, another horse decided to lie down for a back scratch while I was learning to ride it. Somehow I managed to step out of the saddle before I was caught under the horse and crushed.  I think that was when I finally realized my horse dreams had come to an end. No more horses for me.

    Recently, I re-read a brief biographical sketch, my grandfather, John Steiner Houston wrote.  Unlike me, Grandpa Steiner’s relationship with horses was rich, long, and real.

    John Steiner and some of his horses.

    “From my earliest recollection, I could ride and handle a horse.  I owned my own pony long before I was large enough to bridle and saddle him.  I remember of having to get in the stable manger to bridle my horse.”

    Grandpa Steiner was born into a ranching family.  His father and uncles were well known, successful ranchers in Garfield County, Utah.  Horses were necessary to their livelihood and part of his early childhood chores and duties.

    “At seven or eight years of age, I would herd the milk cows. I always took lunch in a bucket. My Father never let me use a saddle when alone, so I herded cows bareback.  Coming home one night us herd boys put our dinner pails on the end of the tie ropes that we had on our horses.  My bucket got between my horse’s legs and off I went the horse kicked the bucket loose, bail came off, I went again right on my face taking all the skin off as I skidded along the ground.  I led the horse from there home.  My face healed up good and once more I was thrown from another horse got my right arm broken at the wrist and my face peeled again. Uncle Riley Clar set my arm and it is as good as new.”

    Boy, could I relate with Grandpa Steiner…well, except the whole getting my face skinned off bit. As I read Grandpa’s words I began to feel like a whiner.

    Oh, but it gets better.

    “I hauled a great deal of wood as a young man. Was crippled for a time in the left leg. A drag of wood hit my left leg below the knee and tore the ligaments loose.  The Dr. said it was worse than a break.  Another time a 1600 lb horse fell full length on me, his hips hit between my legs, his wether hit my shoulder. With my hip and shoulder broke I was laid up for five to six months through the summer.  The doctor pronounced it a miracle the way it was done and the way it healed.  After making me as uncomfortable as he could (it seemed to me at least) he went home and said to be called back later to see me passed out. I had a terrible pain in my groins. Brother Partridge and Bishop Gardner administered to me.  As soon as they laid their hands on me the pain left.  I was up and trying to struggle around after nineteen days in bed. “

    Despite years of horse riding, Grandpa’s accident could have scarred him physically and mentally for life.

    But it didn’t. He focused on the miracle of his recovery.

    While Grandpa’s autobiographical sketch doesn’t specifically mention riding a horse again, I think he did. He had grit. True grit.

    This was the man who taught himself to walk and speak again after a major stroke. This is the man, who when taken along on a deer hunt, even though he was paralyzed on one side, greeted his fellow hunters (who were unlucky in their hunt) with a big grin, blood past his elbows, and a deer lying in the nearby field. Grandpa not only shot the deer from the passenger side of the truck but then dragged himself out to the deer and gutted it.

    Here’s my takeaway. Focusing on the positive matters. Getting back on the horse when you get bucked off matters. Life is not about the pain that you get dealt – the skinned off faces, broken arms, and blows to the groin – it’s about how we choose to view those experiences and what we can learn from them.

    That…and being able to gut a deer while paralyzed.

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  • Davis Family,  Embrace the Bad,  Getting Personal,  Houston Family,  My Family Tree

    Meanest Woman Ever: Annie

    Annie Houston, circa 1920

    My great grandmother was the meanest woman ever.

    That’s quite a claim, right?

    The story goes like this. Years ago, as my Mom asked people around town what they remembered about her Grandma Houston, Annie Maria Davis Houston, their responses were something like this:

    “She had a beautiful singing voice. She was the meanest woman ever.”

    “Sister Houston made beautiful rag rugs. Not a nice woman.”

    “Annie made amazing cheese. Meanest woman ever.”

    In her brief history of her mother, Gwen Houston Baxter, described Annie as:

    “She was a large woman with a very proud carriage of a dominant and independent nature.  She was an outspoken woman, nothing deceptive about her.  She was a strong disciplinarian.” 

    Her daughter-in-law, Della Prince Houston, recalled that Annie “didn’t have many close friends because people were afraid of her, [and] didn’t feel at ease in her presence.  She was a sharp-spoken woman at times and was the disciplinarian of the family. Her sons all left home as soon as they were old enough to be on their own.”

    When my Grandpa Steiner was 3 or 4 years old, he and his brother were messing around in the snow, looking for long nails that they could use as “diggers” to propel their sleighs. They fought over a nail.  Each time Roll would lay the nail down to chop the head off with a hatchet, Steiner would grab for it. Well, someone lost a finger…and that someone was Steiner!  Roll promised Steiner the diggers if he wouldn’t tell Mom.  When they couldn’t stop the bleeding they went in to face Annie’s wrath.

    In later life, Annie sat watching Cecil Prince Reid (who claimed she weighed less than 100 lb at the time) shake out Annie’s rugs.  Annie chimed in to let Cecil know that, “She always thought of little people like runt pigs, no good for anything, but it looks like you do alright.”

    How about that for outspoken bluntness? 

    Annie as a young woman

    Annie was “a woman of distinction”.  “Her wavy white hair and dignified bearing were outstanding.”  She was renowned for her fine clothing and both histories of her life report that her wedding dress was made of 18 yards of fabric.

    Annie was proud of her home and furnishings.  She had an elegant brick home, curtains from France, and beautiful furniture. 

    Annie’s beginnings were far from grand, however.

    Annie was born on September 8, 1860, in Salt Lake City, Utah.  Her parents Joseph Cadwallader Davis (or Davies) and Maria Williams were converts to the Mormon faith and had both immigrated from Wales. 

    Joseph Cadwallader and Maria Williams Davis Family
    (Annie is top left)

    Annie was the eldest of 22 children born to her father and his two wives. Seven of those children would not survive to adulthood. 

    The family moved from Salt Lake City to Panaca (a tiny mining town that is now in Nevada) and later when Annie was a teenager to Panguitch, Utah. When the Davis family first moved to Panaca they lived in a potato cellar and Annie’s father attempted to eke out a living by frieghting and making charcoal for the mines and from farming. 

    One of Annie’s chores was to peddle vegetables in town. Annie, too ashamed to peddle, would hide while her sister, Elizabeth would sell.  After helping with housework, Annie would go into the fields with her father to strip sugar cane, pick potatoes, and help with hay and grain harvests.

    As a teenager, Annie worked in homes and even taught in a private school for a short time. She was eager to get an education.  With the encouragement of her father, Annie married an older man as his plural wife.  Reportedly, Mr. Crosby promised to send Annie to school.  In later life, Annie told her daughter-in-law, Mr. Crosby accosted Annie as she was returning the cows from the field for milking, and Annie beat him off with a stick.  Annie was reportedly treated like a hired hand and never obtained the education she was promised. Annie obtained an annulment after just 6 months of marriage.  All before her 18th birthday.

    To find the rest of Annie’s story, read here.

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  • Davis Family,  Embrace the Bad,  Getting Personal,  Houston Family,  My Family Tree

    Meanest Woman Ever: Never Idle

    My great grandmother was the meanest woman ever. To read the first installment of her story read here.

    By the age of 18, Annie was already the survivor of a short-lived disasterous marriage. 

    During the two summers of 1879 and 1880, Annie worked for the Houston families at their ranches.  This is where Annie first met Joesph Houston, a grey-eyed handsome rancher.  Joseph was a widower who was nine years older than Annie.

    In 1874, Joseph had married his best friend’s sister, Elizabeth Clark.  Joseph’s best friend, Riley Garner Clark II, married Joseph’s younger sister Margaret in a double wedding. Elizabeth died in childbirth in 1879, leaving Joseph with two small children.

    What drew Joseph and Annie together? For Annie, Joseph likely offered respectability and financial stability. The Houstons were wealthy and prominent citizens (Joseph would go on to serve two terms as mayor).

    Joseph and Annie married in January 1881.

    In the following twenty-four years, Annie gave birth to twelve children:

    • Josephine (nee Connor Hilton)(1881 – 1953)
    • Maria Dempster (nee Fotheringham)(1883-1953)
    • Joseph (1885 – 1885)
    • Claudius (“Claud”) (1886-1933) b
    • Margaret Fiametta (nee Ipson) (1890 – 1929)
    • Arthur Quince (“Quince”) (1892 – 1970)
    • George Rollo (“Rolley” or “Roll”) (1894 – 1975)
    • John Steiner (“Steiner”) (1896-1964)
    • Mary Gwen (“Gwen”)(nee Baxter)(1898 – 1965)
    • Thomas Ray (“Tom”)(1899 – 1970)
    • Ellis Dudley (“Ellis”)(1902 – 1939)
    • David Cameron (1905 – 1905)

    “[Annie’s] one big ambition was that her family would be a credit to her and her work.”

    Della opined, “I think she [Annie] was a frustrated, broken-hearted woman.  Her husband didn’t show much love or respect. Always spoke of her as ‘the other woman’. His Johnny ways annoyed her.  She was very proud and wanted her sons to be in prominent positions in the town.” 

    In his own words when discussing his love of reading, Joseph said,

    “My wife (Annie) was always put out about my reading. [P]erhaps I didn’t talk enough to her.”

    One thing that is evident about Annie’s life is that she knew how to work and valued hard work in others.  Annie was described by her daughter as “very industrious; she disliked seeing others idle”.  In addition to her housework duties, Annie made rugs, quilts, crotched lace, knit stockings, and made most of her children’s clothing.

    Annie and her family spent the summers on the family ranch making cheese and butter.  One summer, Annie reportedly made seven barrels of butter weighing 350 lbs a barrel. This was before mechanical separators were widely available, so in addition to milking cows, Annie would distribute milk into pans, skim the cream, and churn the butter by hand.

    Annie was a devoutly religious woman. She was an active member in her LDS ward and loved genealogy and temple work.  For over 45 years she sang in the ward choir.

    Sadly, even in her religious devotion, Annie’s pride got in the way.  Joseph and Annie had two sons who went on LDS missions. Then as now, sons serving missions is a source of pride for Mormons. Quince came home after his mission president questioned why he had not been drafted (WWI); Roll completed his mission but joined a different religion soon after returning home. When Steiner asked for his parents’ support to go on a mission, they refused. 

    Of all of Annie’s children, only Steiner would remain an active member of the LDS faith.

    By 1930, only three of Annie’s sons (Quince, Tom, and Steiner) lived in Panguitch.  The other six children had moved away.

    My Mom tells that as children they would beg to go to see their Houston uncles.  Steiner would go, but they would stay for only a few minutes and then go home.  Even when traveling, Steiner would opt to stay with his wife’s sister rather than stay with his own sister, who lived a few blocks away.  While Della and Steiner would have Annie and Joseph to dinner nearly every Sunday, the family get-togethers were always initiated by Della and not Steiner. 

    The last years of Annie’s life were lonely ones. In 1929, Annie’s daughter Margaret Fiametta died at the age of 38 from pneumonia. In 1932, her son Claud died at age 46 from a heart attack. In 1935, her hsuband Joseph died at the age of 85.

    Most tragically, in 1939, Annie’s youngest son, Ellis died at the age of 35 as a result of injuries he sustained in a car accident and from exposure. Ellis was an alcoholic. 

    When Ellis came home drunk and Annie would tell him he had to go elsewhere, Ellis would threaten that he would leave forever and someday when Annie heard about a vagrant getting killed she would always wonder if it was her baby boy.

    The only known photo of Ellis. 

    On the late December day when Ellis was in the car accident that ultimately would take his life, he came home drunk and injured and pounded on the door yelling for Annie to let him in.  Annie didn’t let Ellis in. Ellis contracted pneumonia as a result of exposure, which led to his death a month later. 

    Annie’s neighbor and friend, Cecil Reid said that Annie would feed the neighbor’s chickens to coax them so that she could see them. When asked why, Annie said, “To watch something alive and moving”. 

    Annie rattled around her grand brick home filled to the gills with stuff she couldn’t bring herself to throw away. The kitchen cabinets were full of kindling, cupboards and containers were full of rags (including cut up pockets of men’s overalls), as well as “great balls of string” that she had saved.  After her death, Annie’s children “hauled truckloads of junk to the river.” 

    Annie died on July 23, 1941, two months after she suffered a stroke which left her bedridden. Her obituary is titled “Pioneer Woman Buried Saturday Afternoon: Was Active in Church Organization in Life – Member of Choir”. All of Annie’s living sons and daughters were in attendance.    

    The story continues here. 

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  • Davis Family,  Embrace the Bad,  Getting Personal,  Houston Family,  My Family Tree

    Meanest Woman Ever: Me

    I see myself in Annie’s story.

    It’s not just that I have a mean streak, because I do. 

    And that round face, large woman, and stern demeanor stuff. Check, check and check! 

    Annie’s work ethic and “never idle” mantra drums away inside my head. Every. Damn. Day. 

    Like Annie, I am a second wife.  I too have chosen an outgoing gregarious husband named Joseph who is also nine years older than me. Like Annie’s Joe, my Joe likes to spend his free time in a book/smartphone.  My husband may not call me the “other woman” but there was a time in our relationship when I felt like my husband’s second choice. 

    It’s more than the similarities in my marriage and Annie’s that connect her story to mine. 

    I too am the disciplinarian. I’m not the chop-off-your-finger-but-too-afraid-to-tell kind of Mom, but being respectful and courteous are something I want to instill in my son. 

    Son. Singular. No, not twelve children in twenty-four years. I can only imagine what raising ten children to adulthood was like. I hope to never know the heartache and pain Annie felt to have two children die in infancy, and have three adult children die before her. To have an adult alcoholic son die from exposure from a night spent on my own front porch in late December; that’s pain that I hope never to endure.

    Annie and I have had very different lives in very different centuries. 

    I didn’t grow up dirt poor in a rural frontier town. I don’t know what that kind of desperation feels like. I’ve always felt the security of a safety net provided by my parents.  I may never be wealthy, but neither have I experienced true poverty.  So, different than Annie, I will never know what it feels to be that close to the edge and the shame that comes from having to peddle vegetables. 

    I inherited from Annie (and other strong women like her) a love of learning and a desire for an education, but I will never know what it is like to dream of an education and have almost no opportunity to obtain it.  I will never know what it’s like to be so desperate for education that I would marry for the mere promise of it.  My education was a gift and the result, in part, of my parents’ conscious decision to raise their family in a neighborhood with the best schools and within the shadow of a major university.   I live in a time when women can achieve the highest levels of education and achievement and that is something Annie did not have even a hope of.  

    In some ways I will never fully understand the circumstances and forces that made Annie who she was. 

    As I look at what I’ve learned about Annie’s life, I see an ambitious woman who wanted desperately to rise above grinding childhood poverty to respectability and financial stability.  I see a woman of great pride.  I also see a woman who built walls around her.  Literal walls and emotional walls.  Walls to protect herself against poverty, shame, and vulnerability. 

    I see myself in Annie’s story.  The old woman feeding the neighbor’s chickens just to see something living. I’ve known that kind of loneliness. The woman with hoards of stuff but no close relationships, even with family; that could have been me.   

    Within the core of my identity, Annie exists.   At the core of Annie’s story is my fear that her story is my story. 

    I believe that by knowing Annie’s story, I know myself better.  Hers is a cautionary tale.  Her story is my story if pride and pain, ambition, and fear of being hurt ruled my life. 

    Instead, I push back from the voices that tell me idleness is a weakness, that the outward stuff matters, and that I can control those around me.  I have to choose that connection and compassion matter more than the trappings of wealth, the illusion of safety, and the hurt that comes from engaging with those around me. 

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  • Brick Walls,  Embrace the Bad,  Getting Personal,  Legal Docs

    More than meets the eye

    When a birth certificate is more than a birth certificate. 

    Recently, I undertook the task of researching the family history of someone special.  My stepkids’ mom. 

    My stepkids know very little about their heritage. Theirs is a legacy of absent fathers. My husband’s parents divorced and his father had no voluntary contact with his three children after 1976. My kids’ mom (I’ll call her Claire) has only a name and very little solid information about her father or his family.

    That’s where Claire’s birth certificate comes in. She didn’t think it would provide me much to go on. Other than a name, birth state, and age it didn’t appear to offer much information about her birth dad.

    It did provide that, which was information Claire hadn’t remembered before pulling out her birth certificate.  It also, somewhat surprisingly, told us when her mother’s last period was and when her prenatal care began. 

    But the birth certificate wasn’t done giving up information and telling a tale. The informant on the birth certificate was identified as an aunt, and her address was also provided.  It also indicated that Claire’s mother had not reviewed the information for accuracy.

    Claire’s mother, at the age of 18, had traveled from upstate New York to North Carolina, with the intention of giving Claire up for adoption.  Her aunt was to adopt the child.  Claire was born early, at 36 weeks and weighed only 4 lbs 11 oz.  After Claire was born, her mother, her grandfather, decided to bring Claire home to New York.

    But the birth certificate still wasn’t done.

    On first glance, I missed the significance of the fact that Claire’s father’s name is handwritten and not typed.  There it was. Box 16 titled “Amended”, down in the bottom corner of the certificate, is where I found the handwritten notation “Order of Filiation” with a date 2 years after Claire’s birth. Order of Filiation, aka Order of Paternity. 

    What that one notation told us was that this was not just the tale of a single teenage Mom who traveled across the country to give her baby up for adoption and subsequently changed her mind.

    Someone went through the effort to file a court proceeding to have Claire’s father’s name added to the birth certificate two years after she was born. That person was likely Claire’s father.

    A Google search revealed that only a few states use the term “Filiation”.  A few phone calls later and I knew what I needed to do to get the case file.

    The brick wall now has a crack. I hope that the request we have made for copies of the Order of Filiation will bear fruit. Updates to follow. 

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